just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
