We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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