Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
