all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
