There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
