i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
