I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
soo... how was my night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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