the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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