Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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