Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
