So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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