It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
