CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
