My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
