and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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