I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need water and some morals
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
