Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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