i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
