i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
