THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
