He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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