Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
