you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
