What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
