i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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