Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
