please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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