i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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