Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
