i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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