i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
