Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."

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(818): View more from California

That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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(819): View more from Quebec

there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive

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(330): View more from Ohio

I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.

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(716): View more from New York

I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

(1-716): View more from New York

Eh. They balance each other out

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED

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(970): View more from Colorado

Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?

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