Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My life is pants optional.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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