I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
