So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your cock deserves a montage
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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