ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
