She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
