im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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