you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
