According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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