Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
