i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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