They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
