i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
