so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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