Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
