Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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