I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
