bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
