you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
