Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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