Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
