I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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