there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just had sex bonerless
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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