My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Vodka?
Forever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize