Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
