Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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