i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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