Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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