i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
