Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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