I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize