shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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