I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
