Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
4 words: hood of his car
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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