Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
