That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
