I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
