it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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