my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have post one night stand depression
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