Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my poor anus
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
