Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
did you just send me my own nude
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
