why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
