somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize