We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
