Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
