I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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