I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
