dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
