Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
