I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
