I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
