I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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