I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
