Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize