I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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