Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
