i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
