I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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