She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
