If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
