Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
