i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
