the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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