I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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