Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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