Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
