WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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