I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
