why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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