So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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