"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
